Harry Potter and the Half Blood Orange.

I consider myself an Orange Connoisseur.

Yes, I enjoy and analyze citrus, much like one would with wine.

I love them. Oranges, tangerines, tangelos. Blood oranges, clementines, Valencia and Navel alike. Mmmmmm.

so this afternoon, I put together a snack.
200 calories worth of raw almonds, one carrot, and an orange from yesterday's farmer's market.


And the way I eat my food, is exceptionally specific. I eat what I should eat first, not necessarily the least delectable, but certainly not the most. This builds, and leads up to my favorite thing on my plate, which, in this case, is just the most beautiful, fragrant orange.

But then I peeled it.
And oh my God, if a fruit could be a Mudblood, this orange would TOTALLY be a Mudblood.
(That's a tribute to Harry Potter by the way, for those of you who aren't in the know).



Half blood orange. Half regular orange.
Who knew?

Maybe this is common knowledge.
Maybe I am not the Connoisseur I thought I was.
Or maybe, I just scored some Alien Orange.

Either way, I'm digging it.
Yeeeeaaaah... Half Blood Orange! (Though maybe not as good in Potions class).

Whoa.
I went way nerdy there.
Weird.








p.s. Orange you glad I didn't say Cookie?
Ahhaha.

Seriously though, the geek inside me is getting more dominant.

Coming Clean... plus some produce loving Crazys.

So, first of all my nose would grow if I told you I am proud of my dietary endeavors this week.
Not only would it grow, but it would sprout twigs, leaves, and even a nest of finches on the very end.
Seriously, it's that bad.

And in all honesty, I almost had the intention of not even mentioning it.
But. I think by airing out my dirty laundry, I am more apt to change... so, shit.
Here, goes.

Remember the cashews? The abusive cashews that taste so good they hurt?
Yeah, well that was only the tip of the melting iceberg.




As I was in NorCal visiting my family, my mom decided to make cookies for everyone. Yep, COOKIES.

S000, it should have gone down like this,

mom: 'hey do we have any egg replacer left for the cookies'

tess: 'NO WE DO NOT. ONLY EGGS. ONLY RUNNY NON-VEGAN EGGS. CHICKEN PERIOD. THAT'S ALL WE GOT. PLEASE DO NOT MAKE THEM VEGAN'



But, this is how it really went,

mom: 'hey do we have any egg replacer left for the cookies?'

tess: 'yes, in the top drawer. LET ME MIX IT UP FOR YOU'.

And then I did just that. And then I ate the cookies.
Oh, and these weren't JUST cookies. They were uninhibited, shameless peanut butter and chocolate cookie cake. Oh, and by cookie cake, I mean a casserole dish spread with cookie, with a layer of melted vegan chocolate, and another top layer of cookie.

Holy Hell.
Holy, holy Hell.

And BOY DID I TAKE CARE OF THOSE.
To be realistic (and I sooooo don't want to be realistic) I probably had around 6 2-inch square pieces of the damn thing.
After that it was down hill. Lots of nuts, Luna Bars, even a Starbucks soy mocha.

So, this is me-my lament of weighty proportions, desperately climbing to get back on the bandwagon before it speeds away from me- leaving me in a cloud of chocolate dust.

My first effort in getting my shit together, was a visit to the farmer's market today with my roommate. I love Farmer's Markets.
I don't know about where you live, but here in SoCal, Farmer's Markets bring out the Craazays. (Zoom in on 55 year old man, playing air guitar on cardboard guitar and keyboard, singing into mic made with Arizona tea cans with George Harrison's 'I Want You So Bad' playing in the background). Yeah, it's like that.
But also, the streets are so filled with yummy produce and local agriculture, that I can only go in with 15 dollars, or I will spend my rent on the Orange, Honey or Asian vegetable stand.

This time, I went with my roommate, who bless her heart, pretends I'm not a gigantoid next to her. She's skinny. Beautiful, blond, tall and skinny- and get this- a stage actress.
Anyways, we decide to go halfsies on all food, and we came out of there pretty happy.
We scored carrots, sweetpeas, sweet potatoes, Bok Choy, oranges the size of my head, strawberries- you get the idea.
HOWEVER, she did decide to buy bread.
Nope, bread's not the right word.
Try, heaven bread. Yeah, that fits.

White rustic focaccia. COVERED in oil. Baked to a crisp. Oh my God, so delightful.

Anways. I've had too much of it as it is.
And in an effort of climbing back onto that stupid bandwagon headed for Life, I will remember that it is only a dessert. Not for nutrient consumption.


Here's the last thing I'm eating tonight- sweetpeas, one carrot and a V8 (because I should have had a V8- NOT A WHOLE PLATTER OF PEANUT BUTTER COOKIE CAKE).

You Know You're on a Diet When...

...you would pull out all of your hair, and give up the use of your right arm for a whole week, just to have a Thai food feast without the ample amount of calories that come along with it.

Mmmmm... Massaman tofu with coconut milk and raw peanuts.

Just drooled. yep, totally drooled.

Culmination of Week Three.

2.1 pounds lighter.

I guess I don't have anything to say about that.

I'm happy I lost, so there that is.
And I'm happy I didn't gain.

And the cynic inside me is still whispering that I am pretty much where I was at two weeks ago, so... whatevs.

I've been feeling pretty uninspired recently.
I haven't been active enough, and today, I even had a handful of honey-roasted cashews- which while delicious, can single handedly kick the shit out of me (caloric-ly speaking).

So, I have created a system for SUSTAINABLE INSPIRATION.

I think that is so important. I mean, inspiration is great. But, SUSTAINABLE INSPIRATION is key, since I am in this for the long run.


So here is my SUSTAINABLE INSPIRATION. (And sort of a cool tip for all of you who enjoy traveling as much as I do).

www.helpx.net

It's amazing, and if you do in fact enjoy traveling, you will go bananas for this site. In fact, maybe I just changed your life. (Okay, maybe that is the King of all Overstatements, but you get my drift).


I also haven't been posting as much as I would like to, however, as I touched on in my very first post, I am working on a photo series meant to shed some light on shedding these pounds- and you would not believe how hard it is to take a nude self portrait.
Eeek.

And because of my digital arts background, you have NO IDEA the restraint I am practicing by not photo-shopping my body into a size 4. NO IDEA!

You Know You're on a Diet When...

...SmartDogs (soy hot dogs) are not only SCRUMPTIOUS, but a go-to protein.

(45 Calories and 9 grams of protein?! For that I would fashion a SmartDog necklace just so I have access to them all day long.)

Also, Whole Wheat Light RyVita Crispbread- normally a cardboard excuse for a cracker.
Now? Absolute YUM.

You Know You're on a Diet When...

... you think splurging is eating FOUR (yes, that's FOUR) brown rice cakes.

And then afterward, when at the gym, you begrudgingly count the seconds as each calorie goes by- subsequently regretting each of those four brown rice cakes.

The Enigmatic Creature.

And by that, I of course mean, a Fat Vegan.

Who knew this could exist? A FAT VEGAN?
I sure didn't.

At least until I became vegan.
But actually it makes sense, because if anyone can taint such a strict eating lifestyle with fatness, I can.

By vegan I mean this, not only do I not eat dairy, eggs, meat, seafood, or gelatin, but I live my life without animal by-products: leather, silk, fur, animal tested toiletries, etc.
It was a decision I made when I was 18, after 4 years of being a vegetarian. I will never pressure you into eating like this, or living like this.
And it is a sacrifice of sorts- eating out for example, can prove difficult.

But, I do it for the animals. And please do not try to convince me to do otherwise. I have given more than 10 public lectures on the matter, and have done enough research to make my eyes bleed. I do eat the right amounts of protein, and I have become an expert at fitting B12 into my day.

However, I am, STILL FAT.

What could it be? The carbs? The portion? The fat?

And there it is.
Do you see it? Hiding there in the middle? Starts with a P, ends with an N? Rhymes with SHPORTION?

Yeah, because you see, I can eat copious amounts of food, in a very small amount of time.
And I mean troll-ish amounts. Sit me down with some whole grain carbs, a heaping of tofu, a small mountain of nutritional yeast, three carrots and two avocados, and I can make some culinary magic that is sure to make thee gain.

Hmmmm, so maybe I am not so enigmatic after all.

Maybe my vision is just skewed by these top heavy eyeballs that are about 16 times bigger than my stomach. Oops.

And so begins my intimate relations with the measuring cups.

You Know You're on a Diet When...

... the 2 Vitamin C chewable tablets you eat, start tasting like candy.

Also, when afterward, you check the calories in each of those bad-boys.
(And it's 6, in case you were wondering).

Whole Wheat Cinnamon Roll- Not Quite THE Arch Nemesis, But a Variation Of.

That's pretty much it.

My demise.

The whole wheat cinnamon roll, with raisins and walnuts. That at the moment is three feet from my over-anticipatory nose.

But really, they're like the love child of Sweet Goodness and Willpower Killer.

A tastefully seductive mix of high calorie whole grains and brown sugar. Only sort of healthy for you, as it is made with multi-grain flours-but don't be fooled! This scrumptious combination opens a whole flood gate of cravings- including but not limited to: Whole Grain waffles, whole grain bagels, whole grain vegan carrot spice muffins (I think I literally just drooled on the B key) and other caloric-ly inappropriate foods.

Yummmm. (And at the same time, Uggghhhhh (in case you were curious, sounds like Yuuuuggghmm).

tip of today: take advantage of your dog!* That's right, use 'em. Take them for walks, strolls, trips to the beach or even down the street. It will increase your enjoyment of your walk ten fold. And if you don't have a dog yourself, chances are, someone you know does- so ask if you can borrow them (the dog, not owner)- and both owner and dog alike will be thankful for it!
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*You could use a cat, if you swing that way. Though, I have found it is not as effective**.
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**And it is not because I have anything against cats, it's just in my experience, they seem rather resistant to the harness.