Thursday, September 3, 2009

Chapter 1. Letting it All Hang Out.

Dear ______,

My name is Tess.
I'm in my early twenties, I love animals, and am exceptionally creative.
I have a great eye for aesthetics, I dress semi-fashionably, and when applying myself, I am an excellent photographer.
I create art daily. I listen, even when I don't want to. I remember all of my friends and family's birthdays. I am vegan. I have very small hands and a Mexican and German heritage. I have great parents, and a magnetic sibling.
I sing well, and usually smell pretty good. I have long, dark hair with split ends, and bangs that suffer from home-trimmings.

I cook a bomb french toast that I don't eat- as I don't eat eggs.
I read as much as I can, but usually books that don't make me sound smart nor cultured.

I over-write about myself, as I believe (like most writers do) that others are inherently interested.

And oh, I am absolutely, positively, the most wrong, early twenties female in California.

This is why:

I am very overweight- an issue of mine since childbirth (at 10 pounds, I was a hunker of a newborn.)

I have braces (in my twenties. not teens. twenties.)

I am horribly socially inept (despite having an 18 year history in the theater arts).

And it isn't until now- 2009, that I have made a conscious, intentional and active attempt to change it.

Whatever it takes, the metamorphosis has begun.

and one more thing.
As a student of the world- but more specifically, a student of a certain high tuition photography school in So Cal- I will be creating a two year long photo collection of this Sisyphus-like battle I am embarking on.

But those images are to come.

For now, a history.

I was born in the late 1980's, to an artist and his muse.

My sister, born a few years before, neither envied me nor grew jealous of my attention.
She nurtured me, encouraged me, and translated for me.
She later taught me how to color inside the lines,
draw a star,
smoke a joint,
and gain confidence in myself- in that order.

Our family fought the shadows that crept over modern-American households, but the darkness would always subside after love proved its potency and stamina.

But, I was always fat and slightly awkward.

I pined over Hanson whilst being fat.

Started highschool whilst chubby.

Lost a bit of weight in highschool while fat.

Gained back the weight and then some, while fat.

Went to college, while fat.

Gained the freshman 15 and then some, while fat.

And continued on with the next three years, yep, while fat.

Sense a pattern? I've always been big. Yes, it's in my genes. Yes, I am pre-disposed. No, I do not secretly hoard donuts, or McDonalds.

However, none of these justify this weight.

And while I have lived most of my life very happy (can you imagine? Fat AND happy?!) I have now decided to give in and get serious. (Well, as serious as I can be, which is not very.)

I invite You, Participant of this intangible experience we call the Internet, to laugh with me! Cry with me! And watch my subsequent highs and lows.
Come revel in my courage and perseverance to ensue!
And laugh at my inalienable need to express myself through public revelation.

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"You have to exercise for a week to work off the thigh fat from a single Snickers."

-Albert Einstein (not kidding, he did actually say this).