Big and Tall.

Okay, first of all, I would like to say, I know plus-size shopping has improved tremendously over the last few years.

fully aware.


HOWEVER, it irks me when mainstream fashion for us Fats, means butterfly sleeved, high collar, wide flared, brightly-colored and horizontal striped potato sacks. NOT TO MENTION 1-inch boots, with rounded toes and cheesy buckles.

Look, just because I'm a little (let's pretend here) overweight, does NOT mean I am happy with any piece of fabric that covers my protruding gut.
No, I'm not happy about my size, but does that really mean I have to sacrifice any sort of personal style I may have scavenged for in my teens and early adulthood?

And unless I want to start practicing BBW inspired sadomasochistic bondage (www.torrid.com) or dress like a roundish tween (www.alloy.com) I have to settle for the mom-jean, worrisome-ly Spinster-like ensembles from Old Navy. AND DONT GET ME STARTED ON 'WOMAN WITHIN'.

Seriously, though. I feel like I should start a clothing line- and not only for the Chubs of my age, but for older, and younger alike.

This is where I would start:

-Accentuate sexy curves, while minimizing focal points on bulge. (i.e. Low necklines, tighter to-the-elbow sleeves, slender at the waist, but loose at the stomach and hips.)

-Control Top jeans that aren't so wide they hide your feet (look, I know control top is not sexy, but let's be real. They're bomb.)

-Skinny, but not pencil jeans. (THEY FIT INTO BOOTS BETTER. BOOTS HAVE ENOUGH TROUBLE AS IT IS WITH MY LARGE CALVES WITHOUT HAVING TO EXTEND TO FIT THE BULK OF MY JEANS).

-Some suitable heels (i.e. 2-3 inch but with excellent traction and a thicker heel- throwing in some stylish boots with maybe a wider calf size, would be helpful.)

-Stylish shrugs, sweaters and outerwear (because I am not going anywhere in just a tanktop- no matter how cute it is.)


Look, I know these things exist out there already. I know it, because I have found them.
And because I have already done the shopping, here are some tips.

Torrid is expensive. But, has a healthy collection of cute boots- if you're into that. However, they also have a healthy collection of potential stripper clothing, so... beware.

Alloy is aimed at young people. However, they are good for scarves, some of their boots, a lot of their flannels and flowing tops- and are pretty reasonable.

Old Navy is a reserve. Rarely do they have things I think are awesome. Keep in mind though, each fall season, they usually get in a good collection of stylish outerwear- which can sometimes be pricey. However, three years ago I bought an amazing plaid peacoat style jacket for around 80 bucks, and it still is rocking it today.

Woman Within is sort of an embarrassing one. BUT, they sometimes have wide-calf boots, which if pulled with the right ensemble will look more vintage-chic than desperate measure.

If you have any more suggestions, please let me know.

An Excuse of Couch-Size Proportions.

Today, I did not go to the gym.

Nope. I didn't do it. Actually, I didn't go to class either. (!!!)

BUT, you know what I DID do?

I moved a couch.

And you say, But Tess, it's just a couch! One couch! I move those all the time to vacuum under! What a frivolous excuse!

And I say, No! This was not a couch, it was the couch of all couches, a massive, gargantuan explosion of every couch that ever lived.
A couch nemesis (if you will) that not only resulted in almost THREE near death experiences upon getting it up the stairs, but ultimately resulted in me doing all of my strength training for the day, thank you very much.

It took three of us to pivot and shimmy, in a somewhat graceful couch dance that took almost two hours. (Not to mention one door-removal, two fragile shatter-ings, two raw hands, and one bruised face.)
Plech. (And if you didn't catch that, that's plech. As in, "plech, that sucks.")

Which brings me to this fact.
I am fat, yes. (Sorry, while true, that wasn't the fact).
The fact is this: I AM STRONG! AAAAHHH! (That was my best Hulk impression via keyboard).
Yes, carrying around SOOO much extra weight sucks to the highest measure, BUT my silver lining is that by carrying around what is essentially 100 pound weights on top of a normal body weight, I have created some serious superior upper-strength, and a couple of thighs that could give Lou Ferrigno a run for his money. (Totally kidding Lou, don't kill me.)

I think I'm actually still sweating... Yep, still sweating.

Tip of Today: you can easily fit intense bouts of working out into your day by simply re-arranging furniture. CLEARLY.