You Know You're on a Diet When...

...not eating cookies is an accomplishment of a magnificent degree.

Also, when oily, decadent, stab-out-your-eyeballs-yummy focaccia bread, is STILL not getting eaten by you.

Good Job, You.

Coming Clean... plus some produce loving Crazys.

So, first of all my nose would grow if I told you I am proud of my dietary endeavors this week.
Not only would it grow, but it would sprout twigs, leaves, and even a nest of finches on the very end.
Seriously, it's that bad.

And in all honesty, I almost had the intention of not even mentioning it.
But. I think by airing out my dirty laundry, I am more apt to change... so, shit.
Here, goes.

Remember the cashews? The abusive cashews that taste so good they hurt?
Yeah, well that was only the tip of the melting iceberg.




As I was in NorCal visiting my family, my mom decided to make cookies for everyone. Yep, COOKIES.

S000, it should have gone down like this,

mom: 'hey do we have any egg replacer left for the cookies'

tess: 'NO WE DO NOT. ONLY EGGS. ONLY RUNNY NON-VEGAN EGGS. CHICKEN PERIOD. THAT'S ALL WE GOT. PLEASE DO NOT MAKE THEM VEGAN'



But, this is how it really went,

mom: 'hey do we have any egg replacer left for the cookies?'

tess: 'yes, in the top drawer. LET ME MIX IT UP FOR YOU'.

And then I did just that. And then I ate the cookies.
Oh, and these weren't JUST cookies. They were uninhibited, shameless peanut butter and chocolate cookie cake. Oh, and by cookie cake, I mean a casserole dish spread with cookie, with a layer of melted vegan chocolate, and another top layer of cookie.

Holy Hell.
Holy, holy Hell.

And BOY DID I TAKE CARE OF THOSE.
To be realistic (and I sooooo don't want to be realistic) I probably had around 6 2-inch square pieces of the damn thing.
After that it was down hill. Lots of nuts, Luna Bars, even a Starbucks soy mocha.

So, this is me-my lament of weighty proportions, desperately climbing to get back on the bandwagon before it speeds away from me- leaving me in a cloud of chocolate dust.

My first effort in getting my shit together, was a visit to the farmer's market today with my roommate. I love Farmer's Markets.
I don't know about where you live, but here in SoCal, Farmer's Markets bring out the Craazays. (Zoom in on 55 year old man, playing air guitar on cardboard guitar and keyboard, singing into mic made with Arizona tea cans with George Harrison's 'I Want You So Bad' playing in the background). Yeah, it's like that.
But also, the streets are so filled with yummy produce and local agriculture, that I can only go in with 15 dollars, or I will spend my rent on the Orange, Honey or Asian vegetable stand.

This time, I went with my roommate, who bless her heart, pretends I'm not a gigantoid next to her. She's skinny. Beautiful, blond, tall and skinny- and get this- a stage actress.
Anyways, we decide to go halfsies on all food, and we came out of there pretty happy.
We scored carrots, sweetpeas, sweet potatoes, Bok Choy, oranges the size of my head, strawberries- you get the idea.
HOWEVER, she did decide to buy bread.
Nope, bread's not the right word.
Try, heaven bread. Yeah, that fits.

White rustic focaccia. COVERED in oil. Baked to a crisp. Oh my God, so delightful.

Anways. I've had too much of it as it is.
And in an effort of climbing back onto that stupid bandwagon headed for Life, I will remember that it is only a dessert. Not for nutrient consumption.


Here's the last thing I'm eating tonight- sweetpeas, one carrot and a V8 (because I should have had a V8- NOT A WHOLE PLATTER OF PEANUT BUTTER COOKIE CAKE).

You Know You're on a Diet When...

...you would pull out all of your hair, and give up the use of your right arm for a whole week, just to have a Thai food feast without the ample amount of calories that come along with it.

Mmmmm... Massaman tofu with coconut milk and raw peanuts.

Just drooled. yep, totally drooled.

Culmination of Week Two.

1.5 pounds heavier.


Fuuuuuuck!

I am sorry. I really am.
There's never need for profanity...

EXCEPT THERE IS.
There totally is. Because did you read? I am 1.5 pounds heavier.

Uggh.

I think the worst part is, is that I am not sure what I am doing wrong.
I work out regularly (except for Friday, when there was one impossible couch involved).
I am eating around 1200-1400 calories a day, all of which is low-glycemic and whole grain.
And I drink an incredible amount of water.


Okay, okay.
So here I am.
I am discouraged, I'm not gonna lie.
I can't help but think that all of this is not worth it.

Okay.
But here I am, not giving up.
Because there is a part of me, just a small part, a quiet and meek voice that gets entirely drowned out by the part of me that's screaming profanities- whispering to me in its small way,
It's Okay. Keep Going. This is not the end. This is Just One Week.
Work Harder and Don't Give Up.

And if I'm honest with myself, which I am so trying to be, there are things I can do differently.


Soooo... this week I will focus on those things.
I will add 10 minutes to my gym time.
And I won't beat myself up over 1.5 pounds.

Some things I can let rule my life; my family, my love, my passion.

And some things I won't let have so much weight (so to speak).

Here's to a better week!

Whole Wheat Cinnamon Roll- Not Quite THE Arch Nemesis, But a Variation Of.

That's pretty much it.

My demise.

The whole wheat cinnamon roll, with raisins and walnuts. That at the moment is three feet from my over-anticipatory nose.

But really, they're like the love child of Sweet Goodness and Willpower Killer.

A tastefully seductive mix of high calorie whole grains and brown sugar. Only sort of healthy for you, as it is made with multi-grain flours-but don't be fooled! This scrumptious combination opens a whole flood gate of cravings- including but not limited to: Whole Grain waffles, whole grain bagels, whole grain vegan carrot spice muffins (I think I literally just drooled on the B key) and other caloric-ly inappropriate foods.

Yummmm. (And at the same time, Uggghhhhh (in case you were curious, sounds like Yuuuuggghmm).

tip of today: take advantage of your dog!* That's right, use 'em. Take them for walks, strolls, trips to the beach or even down the street. It will increase your enjoyment of your walk ten fold. And if you don't have a dog yourself, chances are, someone you know does- so ask if you can borrow them (the dog, not owner)- and both owner and dog alike will be thankful for it!
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*You could use a cat, if you swing that way. Though, I have found it is not as effective**.
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**And it is not because I have anything against cats, it's just in my experience, they seem rather resistant to the harness.